Healthy and Happy, for Yourself

Your past, present, future, is it all worth it? Are you content with the situation you are living in? All the sacrifices, all the pain you suffered, was all that even necessary? Have you forgiven yourself for conditions you did not have control over? Do you look in the mirror and accept reality or do you avoid it and ignore it saving it for another day? Are you happy with the journey you let so far? Do you love the people around you? Do they motivate you and help you in becoming a better person? Are you in love with your day-to-day life, or are you doing it for the sake of doing it? Have you imagined what your life might be like in the next 5 or 10 years? Are you working towards it? Is your purpose in life just surviving, or do you wish to be an inspiration to this world? You realize that we only have one life; are you making the most out of every day? Have you loved and accepted yourself, the person you are inside and outside? When was the last time you treated yourself, bought yourself a gift, or cooked your favorite meal? Do you give yourself care and attention, or do you wait for another individual to fulfill your desires? Do you get heartbroken and disheartened when someone doesn’t meet your expectations, or do you forgive? What are your limitations, principles, values, boundaries? What if someone breaks your rules? Do you leave the relationship or tolerate it? Is your life even real, or has someone trapped you in their fantasies? Are you happy with your partner, children, colleagues? Is there anyone’s energy that always throws you off? How do you cope with disappointments? Is your coping mechanism healthy or unhealthy? Are your decisions leading you to more harm or good? Are you the type to keep a grudge, or do you move on and forget? Did you know that being a wife, husband, employee or student are parts of your life and not whole? Do you let these relationships consume your everyday life?

It’s important to ask these questions to yourself from time to time so you do not get too carried away or consumed with one aspect of your life. It would help if you prioritized yourself above everything, yes, even in do-or-die situations. Enough rest, sleep, and care will help you with productivity and creativity. Don’t ever let an individual or a situation occupy your entire mind. Take a breath of fresh air, go out and come back to the problem. Even 5 minutes can help you get better clarity of your obstacles. Never let anyone tell you that you can not. I promise you; you can. Be there for yourself, love yourself. Your kidneys, liver, and intestines do not know the situation you are dealing with so give yourself nourishment. Live life for yourself; you need yourself. Pat yourself on the back; you made it far all by yourself.

How to Make a Long-Term Relationship Work

The sexagenarian and Genz have a developed modern mindset of prioritizing themselves, a clear pattern in relationships. Individuals do not feel that obligation of compulsion to be part of a relationship that is not helping them grow. The elders would say people are giving up too soon; the young generation would say that people are standing up for themselves. This article is not picking a side but instead understanding a long-term relationship's pros and cons. It is for you to ultimately decide what is best for you and how you choose to live for the rest of your life.

If you agree with most of these, this person likely the one. From my experiences, the initial step to the long-term plan is communication. Communicate about how you see yourself in the next 5 or 10 years and how you see the relationship evolving simultaneously. If you are the type of person who wants to go with the flow (perhaps you don't want to plan every step), communicate that so the other person understands that you are considering long-term and are flexible about it. Have a conversation with them about career, kids, marriage, or factors you think could influence the relationship over time. Remember, as you are having these conversations, you or your partner will have different viewpoints; that is okay. You and your partner are two individuals who have united as a team to make this "project" work; sometimes, we have to take another route or take an extra mile to explain ourselves to move forward. Unless, of course, you are talking about bananas and they are talking about Mars, there is no correlation about your opinions, then it may be harder to agree.

“If your relationship is bringing you happiness, motivation, inspiration, providing a safe place to open up about your thoughts and emotions, bringing you pleasure, and most importantly, the teamwork is balanced between both partners, that relationship is the one!”

There are some basic ground rules that a couple must define and come to an agreement between themselves. One of the rules that I think is the most fundamental and neglected is, keep the arguments in the bedroom. 90% of the time, the disputes between two individuals come from an external factor, in most cases other individuals. Whatever the disagreement is about, keep the conversations amongst yourselves. You never know about asking for help from another person these days. Some people do not want to see you in a successful relationship, so they intentionally give you the wrong advice, while others may unintentionally. Don't go sharing your difficulties unless it is an individual you trust. Have faith in yourself and your attitude; you probably know your partner, relationship, and conflict better than anyone else. No one can help you better analyze than yourself. 

Let's introspect about some basic questions: 

1. Is your partner worth your energy?

2. Do you feel comfortable being yourself with them? (yes, they should love you, especially during your bad days)

3. Are the two of you on the same page about your relationship? Goals? Dreams?

4. Do you want your partner to be there with you for the rest of your life?

With long-term comes these conflicts where you have to decide to fix or walk away. Think to yourself, will the issue matter in the next 5 or 10 years? Does the other person acknowledge there is an issue in the first place? Do they understand your perspective, or are they adamant about their belief? Is there any way to resolve the conflict, or is there no solution to it? Before making an impulsive decision, you must understand the difficulty and analyze if one can improve it. I know of this one couple who talk out their conflicts (if they have any) at night; they don't sleep with any grudge. Find your way to overcome issues.

Once you have mastered communication, acceptance, patience, and conflicts, you are pretty damn close to a long-term relationship. Now I will come to a point where Gen Z says, getting "bored" in the relationship or, like the millennials say, growing "out of love." The best way to overcome this mindset (because you can grow out of love in 10 relationships, unable to find that satisfaction – not saying that involving yourself in 10 relationships is wrong, but you will exhaust yourself) is by starting to see your significant other like family. I mean, if you are considering a long-term, aren't they family? Then, ask yourself how it is like with your biological family. Do you tell your mother, "I am bored of you; I don't want to be your child anymore?" Don't you see putting in the effort, so they understand your viewpoint about things? Start putting in the same effort in your relationship with your significant other. 

Rapid Fire (Romantic Edition)

1. How can you keep love alive over the years?

   • Fall in love with your partner, for the person they really are, and I promise you that spending every day wouldn't be enough.  

2. How would you like to spend a special day with your partner?

   • A special day would be a trip to a scenic place, somewhere like the mountains with beautiful views. Also, I love fine dining, fancy cuisine, and adventure in the city.

3. Have you ever gone on a date?

   • Yes! Duh lol

4. Would you rather stay in or go out for a date?

   • Go out like for movies and food, or even a trip to the city.

5. What makes a relationship healthy?

   • Be there for them, but also be there for yourself. 

6. How do you know when you love someone?

   • You would feel in peace with their company. You would enjoy their presence. Everything about that person would bring a smile to your face.

7. Should you get married?

   • I am okay with the idea of getting married. Perfectly fine with the idea of being by myself, too, because I am one self-entertained person.

8. How can a man win you?

   • Plan a day better than I can, and I am yours.

9. Do you have a crush on someone?

   • No!... I do find some guys are cute, but nothing serious.

10. Should you have children as soon as you get married?

    • No. That's why I encourage getting married earlier to enjoy some time together before some real responsibilities kick in.

11. What would you define as cheating?

    • An individual does behind a partner's back for their selfish pleasures, too coward to tell their partner the truth.

12. How often do you date?

    • I haven't dated in years, and I am not a dating type anymore.

13. Do you sacrifice for your relationships? 

    • Yes, you need to give in and give up, that is how relationships work. Things may not go your way always, and one needs to be accepting of that.

14. What's the best relationship advice that someone has given to you? 

    • Marriage is a gamble.

15. How romantic are you?

    • Very!

16. Do you think that people can change when they love someone?

    • Yes, everybody changes when they love someone even if they don't admit it. People tend to become softer and more understanding, they might find themselves be more understanding and caring towards others. Love changes you for the better.

17. What makes people fall out of love?

    • People who fall out of love are cowards. They do not have the guts to commit fully to one person. They make up excuses and find faults in the other person and relationship to cover their weakness. You might often see these people say that they are "bored" or "things aren't what they were before." They enjoy the adrenaline rush at the beginning of the relationship but are scared of monotony.

18. What is your biggest fear about relationships?

    • I fear of the relationship falling apart, and the partner giving up halfway. Also, dishonesty and unfaithfulness is something I can't bear.

What is the Quickest Way to your Heart?

Now let’s say that it is the first time I introduce myself to someone and eventually get to know someone. Especially as you get older with age, it gets more and more awkward (or so I think). So, I think the quickest way to get to my heart would be for the other person to be honest and open about themselves. 

I know of this one friend where we have been so close, and it’s been less than a year since we have been friends, yet we are so comfortable talking about anything and everything. We could talk about Indian Soap Operas with as intensity as we talk about our love lives. Our friendship and herself as a person were quickest to my heart. And I also believe that being comfortable with each other comes from both ways. I remember that both of us felt awkward initially, but we went out of the way to approach each other—both of us mutually initiated plans. We could communicate with each other without hesitation. So that entire journey builds because this friendship has to come from both ways.

Another instance is with my mom. She has always been in my heart, and I have always admired her every day. There was this one day, though, where she completely opened up to me. That was so important for our relationship. And with honesty comes trust, the more people are honest about themselves, the more you can trust them for the person they are.

So yeh, I have gotten to know many new people, especially in the past year. It was all because they would be open to me; moreover, some people have been very spontaneous. Like I would not be expecting, and the other person does something special. I notice and remember all the sweet gestures, and my heart melts when I think about it.

Being honest with yourself, making an effort to build a friendship or a relationship is the quickest way to my heart. And if you want a faster way to my heart, then surprise me!

Especially at a time like this, the quickest way to my heart is to leave the sweetest text. Who doesn’t love knowing that you are missed and being thought of by another person? A simple how are you, how are things going has melted my heart these past couple months.

Writing this makes me feel so blessed for everybody who is already in my heart—lots of love and cuddles to all.

Q&A: In a Sentence

1. If you had a warning label, what would yours say?

   Warning: She’s a keeper

2. What are the top three qualities that draw you to someone new?

   Someone’s personality like their honesty, confidence, and sensibility
   

3. What song would you say best sums you up?

   Miss Independent – Ne-Yo
   

4. What is something you look for in a partner?

   How responsible they are, their maturity, their understanding, and their caring/loving nature
   

5. If you could give your younger self any advice, what would it be?

   Be brave, and listen to yourself. At the end of the day, all it matters is about your happiness.
   

6. If you have a nickname, what is it?

   Some call me Deepu, and some call me Deeps (FYI, I invented Deeps in elementary school!)
   

7. When was the last time you cried?

   Like a few days ago, someone messed with me when I was super exhausted

8. What was the last thing you bought?

   Just now, clothes from Express

9. What do you want to be remembered for?

   The girl who believed she could, so she did

10. What are some of your personal “rules” that you never break?

    I never break the promises I make to myself

11. What dreams have you given up on as unrealistic?

    I want to act or model, but I think that is unrealistic for now or who knows?

12. Describe yourself in a single sentence?

    A believer, faithful, innocent, understanding human.

13. What do you call it when rain falls while the sun is shining?

    Weird

14. What do you consider unforgivable?

    Being dishonest to yourself

15.  What is something that your friends wouldn’t believe was true about you?

    That even though I have lost touch with some of my friends, I still think about them now and then

16. What’s the title of the current chapter of your life?

    Work in progress

17. What lifestyle change have you meant to make for a while now?

    I want to incorporate yoga in my daily life

18. Do you believe in love at first sight?

    Yes!

19. How long does it take you to get ready in the morning?

    Like an hour or two

20. How difficult is it for you to be honest, even when your words may be hurtful or unpopular?

    The other person’s reaction can make it difficult, to be honest

21. How difficult is it for you to forgive someone who refuses to apologize?

    I forgive so I can overcome and move on myself. So if someone refuses to apologize that’s their problem, not mine

22. How old do you think you’ll be when you get married?

    If I do get married, it would be within the next four years or even before

23. Have you forgiven yourself for past personal failures? Why or why not?

    Yes, I have forgiven myself, reminding me that I am human. And it’s the fact that I always try if I do my best that is my biggest achievement

24. What is the first movie you remember seeing?

    Either it was Krish or Andaz Apna Apna

25. What is the last film you saw?

    The Train with Rajesh Khanna and Nanda

26. Are you high maintenance?

    I think so yeh!

27. Are you more likely to avoid conflict or engage it head-on?

    I am more likely to avoid conflict to not get into drama

28. Can you close your eyes and raise your eyebrows?

    Yesssssss! I swear I tried it for the first time

29. Do you save old greeting cards and letters? Throw them away?

    I always save greeting cards and letters; I love receiving them!

30. Do you have a catchphrase?

    Therefore, I conclude.