The Bare Minimum

So you are telling me that partners can do the bare minimum in a relationship, which is acceptable? Most relationships are becoming routine, and the partners merely perform their duties. One of the main reasons relationships and marriages are falling apart is the lack of commitment, which makes people grow apart. Why aren't we valuing our partners and emotionally investing in them? Because people who don't love their relationship with their partners tend to satisfy their needs by engaging in affairs or divorcing. 

As I observe relationships and people's perceptions of a relationship, the emotional and physical bond is merely superficial. Over the years, a bare minimum connection makes the relationship mundane, and we often become attracted to others who make us feel special again. If you are in a relationship, it is essential to make the little moments memorable. It could be as simple as taking them out, engaging in valuable conversations, or doing something special for them. You may be in the '30s, 40s, or '50s, but you are never too old to appreciate somebody. It just reminds the other person that their efforts and presence in the relationship are acknowledged and valued. We are all trying to find emotional security and be loved in a relationship. It is not hard to be emotionally available to another person. When you are with your partner, you should feel comfortable being vulnerable, sharing your thoughts, and expressing your perspectives without fearing being judged or criticized. I believe many relationships fall apart over time because we tend not to value or respect the connection as we did initially.

How to resolve: Before getting into a relationship or commitment for life, observe how well you understand each other. Can the both of you resolve a conflict with maturity? Can you respect each other's differences? Explore and grow in a relationship. Keep the relationship engaging throughout the years. It is not hard to appreciate your partner, and small gestures can make them feel wanted in your life. Efforts should not end after you tied the knot. Commitment, involvement, and communication have a significant impact on keeping a relationship healthy.

There are Some People in This World Who...

• who will find you divine in you being yourself. They will sense your positive energy in your presence.

• whom you don’t speak with in a long time, but it’s like a gap was never there once you connect.

• whom you can connect with deeply, whom you can be vulnerable with. They will always make you feel comfortable.

• who will want to get to know you, your ups and downs. They will be fascinated by the way you are inside and outside.

• who will go an extra mile to make you happy, not because it’s their “obligation” but because they will go to any extent to make you smile.

• who will always be there by your side, you know they will pick up your call in the middle of the night.

• who will joke around with you and also be serious when you need them to be.

• who will be worried for you and check up on you, making sure you are okay.

• who you will feel intimate with in a few days of getting to know them.

• who are not the closets with, but you love to exchange conversations with now and then.

---

• who will want you but be insecure of themselves around you. It will seem like they are interested in you initially, but they will back down because they think you are "too" perfect for them.

• who will gaze at you from far, too nervous about approaching you or getting to know you. These people will assume things about you to comfort their lack of confidence.

• who will say that they are there for you, but they are never there. Sometimes they blame you instead of consoling you.

• who will understand your value, worth, importance once you leave them.

• who will envy how successful, dignified, and respected you are, so they will create obstacles for you because they want you to suffer.

• who will reject you, not because there is something wrong with you, but they want to boost their ego.

• who will make you feel that you are replaceable so you may find the compulsion of being perfect around them, so they don't discard you.

• who will not admit to their faults but rather blame you for things you have not done. Perhaps wrongly accuse you of things in front of society.

• who will want to be close with you but never tell you, hoping you would read their mind.

• who will never see the sacrifices you made for them.

---

Throughout life, you will come across all kinds of people, some will uplift you, and some would upset you. It is on you to determine who is the best for your growth, someone that inspires you. The people who do not understand your worth do not need your attention. Do not try to prove yourself to someone who will replace you the next day. The same applies to yourself. Value people who bring happiness to you; don’t waste your time chasing after someone who was never yours. Try not to take advantage of people, be upfront about your feelings. Think of who is best for you, who helps you grow, who makes you smile. 

How to Make a Long-Term Relationship Work

The sexagenarian and Genz have a developed modern mindset of prioritizing themselves, a clear pattern in relationships. Individuals do not feel that obligation of compulsion to be part of a relationship that is not helping them grow. The elders would say people are giving up too soon; the young generation would say that people are standing up for themselves. This article is not picking a side but instead understanding a long-term relationship's pros and cons. It is for you to ultimately decide what is best for you and how you choose to live for the rest of your life.

If you agree with most of these, this person likely the one. From my experiences, the initial step to the long-term plan is communication. Communicate about how you see yourself in the next 5 or 10 years and how you see the relationship evolving simultaneously. If you are the type of person who wants to go with the flow (perhaps you don't want to plan every step), communicate that so the other person understands that you are considering long-term and are flexible about it. Have a conversation with them about career, kids, marriage, or factors you think could influence the relationship over time. Remember, as you are having these conversations, you or your partner will have different viewpoints; that is okay. You and your partner are two individuals who have united as a team to make this "project" work; sometimes, we have to take another route or take an extra mile to explain ourselves to move forward. Unless, of course, you are talking about bananas and they are talking about Mars, there is no correlation about your opinions, then it may be harder to agree.

“If your relationship is bringing you happiness, motivation, inspiration, providing a safe place to open up about your thoughts and emotions, bringing you pleasure, and most importantly, the teamwork is balanced between both partners, that relationship is the one!”

There are some basic ground rules that a couple must define and come to an agreement between themselves. One of the rules that I think is the most fundamental and neglected is, keep the arguments in the bedroom. 90% of the time, the disputes between two individuals come from an external factor, in most cases other individuals. Whatever the disagreement is about, keep the conversations amongst yourselves. You never know about asking for help from another person these days. Some people do not want to see you in a successful relationship, so they intentionally give you the wrong advice, while others may unintentionally. Don't go sharing your difficulties unless it is an individual you trust. Have faith in yourself and your attitude; you probably know your partner, relationship, and conflict better than anyone else. No one can help you better analyze than yourself. 

Let's introspect about some basic questions: 

1. Is your partner worth your energy?

2. Do you feel comfortable being yourself with them? (yes, they should love you, especially during your bad days)

3. Are the two of you on the same page about your relationship? Goals? Dreams?

4. Do you want your partner to be there with you for the rest of your life?

With long-term comes these conflicts where you have to decide to fix or walk away. Think to yourself, will the issue matter in the next 5 or 10 years? Does the other person acknowledge there is an issue in the first place? Do they understand your perspective, or are they adamant about their belief? Is there any way to resolve the conflict, or is there no solution to it? Before making an impulsive decision, you must understand the difficulty and analyze if one can improve it. I know of this one couple who talk out their conflicts (if they have any) at night; they don't sleep with any grudge. Find your way to overcome issues.

Once you have mastered communication, acceptance, patience, and conflicts, you are pretty damn close to a long-term relationship. Now I will come to a point where Gen Z says, getting "bored" in the relationship or, like the millennials say, growing "out of love." The best way to overcome this mindset (because you can grow out of love in 10 relationships, unable to find that satisfaction – not saying that involving yourself in 10 relationships is wrong, but you will exhaust yourself) is by starting to see your significant other like family. I mean, if you are considering a long-term, aren't they family? Then, ask yourself how it is like with your biological family. Do you tell your mother, "I am bored of you; I don't want to be your child anymore?" Don't you see putting in the effort, so they understand your viewpoint about things? Start putting in the same effort in your relationship with your significant other. 

What is the Quickest Way to your Heart?

Now let’s say that it is the first time I introduce myself to someone and eventually get to know someone. Especially as you get older with age, it gets more and more awkward (or so I think). So, I think the quickest way to get to my heart would be for the other person to be honest and open about themselves. 

I know of this one friend where we have been so close, and it’s been less than a year since we have been friends, yet we are so comfortable talking about anything and everything. We could talk about Indian Soap Operas with as intensity as we talk about our love lives. Our friendship and herself as a person were quickest to my heart. And I also believe that being comfortable with each other comes from both ways. I remember that both of us felt awkward initially, but we went out of the way to approach each other—both of us mutually initiated plans. We could communicate with each other without hesitation. So that entire journey builds because this friendship has to come from both ways.

Another instance is with my mom. She has always been in my heart, and I have always admired her every day. There was this one day, though, where she completely opened up to me. That was so important for our relationship. And with honesty comes trust, the more people are honest about themselves, the more you can trust them for the person they are.

So yeh, I have gotten to know many new people, especially in the past year. It was all because they would be open to me; moreover, some people have been very spontaneous. Like I would not be expecting, and the other person does something special. I notice and remember all the sweet gestures, and my heart melts when I think about it.

Being honest with yourself, making an effort to build a friendship or a relationship is the quickest way to my heart. And if you want a faster way to my heart, then surprise me!

Especially at a time like this, the quickest way to my heart is to leave the sweetest text. Who doesn’t love knowing that you are missed and being thought of by another person? A simple how are you, how are things going has melted my heart these past couple months.

Writing this makes me feel so blessed for everybody who is already in my heart—lots of love and cuddles to all.

Love for me is... *Valentines Day Special*

Love is the purest bond that two people share. Love for me is the feeling of happiness, the feeling of comfort. Love is about those hugs which make you feel cared for, that someone will always be there for you. Love is looking into the other person’s eyes, knowing that his presence itself means the world.

Love is innocent. Love is delicate yet the strongest feeling.

Love is about understanding the other person. Love is about the concern. Love is about looking after each other. Love is sharing moments together, sharing feelings together. Love is that attraction, whether near or far, feeling closely attracted to someone. Love is about the little actions just to make the other person happy. Love is about opening up. Love is about putting your faith in the other person. It is about trusting your love in any circumstance.

Love is about respect. Love is about giving importance to the other person. Love is standing with them in every step of the way for life. Love is about accepting the other person for who they are. Love is about encouraging and motivating each other. Love is confidence. To love is to believe, to love is to trust. Love is the most beautiful and divine feeling. Being passionate, being real.

Today is the day to realize and value. The day to cherish all the moments with the significant other. Today is the day to celebrate love.

Seek this feeling of love with purity and honesty.

With Love.

Whats More Important? Physical or Emotional Connection?

Physical connection and emotional connection are equally important for a balanced consummate relationship. Although I do believe that emotional connection is stronger and should be focused on more, especially in today’s day and age. I think that it has become easier for people to create a physical bond over-emotional or like the society calls it “no strings attached”. Possibly because physical connections are convenient? But is love passionate if it is convenient? It all comes down to the individual’s choice and how they want to conduct their love life. Any way of life is acceptable as long as it brings you and people around you, happiness.

According to me, for those who are seeking for a lifetime relationship should focus more on emotional compatibility. It is so important for the significant other to be not only your lover but your best friend. That friend whom you can go up to, reach out to, share your thoughts too – without thinking twice. It is important to have that understanding between the two of you. Both of you may not be on the same page at all times, but once you accept each other you can understand the other person’s point of view. That kind of acceptance, understanding, intimacy is important to keep the relationship energized for life.

The pleasure of physical bond can make you reach great heights of enjoyment and dissolve the differences whereas with emotional bonds can make you feel comfortable and loved for the person you are.

Now how many of you breezed through the word consummate? Yeh, that word on the first sentence. In simpler words, a consummate relationship is like true love. Let’s throw some psychology at this – for people who want to know. According to Sternberg’s Theory, also known as the drama triangle (to all the Bollywood lovers – don’t we all like love triangles?!), there are 3 important aspects for consummate love. Yes, this was the only time I paid attention in Psych class and got an A+ on my test. The three factors are: intimacy (closeness/togetherness), commitment (dedication) and passion (physical attraction). Following I will write terminologies in the simplest form just so you can show your knowledge about relationships to your friends. Intimacy + Commitment = Compassionate Love. Passion +Commitment = Fatuous Love. Passion + Intimacy = Romantic Love. Since this is not a thesis paper on relationships I will not elaborate.

---

Since my question was which is important? For me, compassionate love is important! What type of love is important for you? Comment below and tell me why.